Heaven Conversations

My heart is heavy this morning.  A sweet, well respected man in our church lost his battle with cancer this morning, and his death will shake the very foundation of our church.  He was SUCH a picture of Jesus.  He saw nothing but good in anyone and everything.  To say that he had a servant heart barely scratches the surface of the legacy that he has created and left.  And although he is resting comfortably in the arms of Jesus this morning, there are a lot of tears flowing this morning from those he left behind. I can see his smiling face saying, "Hey!  Quit your cryin'.  It's all good!"  His sweet wife of almost 40 years is about to begin the journey of one of THE hardest things she will ever have to endure.  I pray for her heart, that it will somehow remain in tact through the loss of her other half.  They have a daughter who is just weeks away from the birth of her first grandchild.  I pray that the stress does not cause her to go into pre-term labor.  For whatever reason, Jesus saw that it was time to bring Jim home.  I trust that He will bring good out of this tragedy.  Jim, you will be missed for many, many years to come. 

As my husband called me this morning to deliver that news, I hung up and couldn't help but just let the tears come.  I was in my son's room playing with both kids, and my daughter who had just witnessed this sudden change of attitude stopped what she was doing to say, "Mommy, what's wrong.  Are you ok?  How do you explain to a little girl who is almost 3 what is on your mind at that moment?  I told her that mommy was a little sad.   She said, "When are you going to be happy again?"  Oh, the innocence of a child!  I started thinking with my mommy brain and said, "Well, I don't know that.  But it's ok for people to be sad sometimes."  She followed that with, "Why are you sad?"  Uh oh.  Now I have to beat around the bush about the subject of death.  "Well, Zoe, Mommy just found out that someone that she knew died and went to Heaven this morning.  Do you know who lives in Heaven?"  She says with a big smile, "Jesus does."  I said, "that's right.  And Mr. Jim went to be with Jesus in Heaven this morning."  She said, "Why is that sad?"  Inquisitive little thing.  Still in Mommy brain, I said, "Well, that means that mommy won't ever see Mr. Jim again here where we live.  One day, Mommy will go to Heaven too, and I'll see him again, but I'm sad that I won't see him until then."  She of course follows with this, "But I want to go to Heaven with you!"  Something about that just broke my heart into a million pieces.  I can't explain why, but it did.  I realized at that moment that I can't promise her that she will be in Heaven with me one day.  I want to, but I can't.  That is up to her when it comes time.  But I also realized at that moment (not that I haven't realized this before) that it is our responsibility as parents to make sure she is ready to make that committment when Jesus knocks on the door to her heart.  What an awesome responsibility...one not to be taken lightly.  My prayer is that if I do nothing else as a mom, that I help plant a seed that will one day sprout growth. 

On the upside...I grabbed these pictures about an hour after that phone call.  My son LOVES books.  We get one free book for each kid once a month on this program that Dolly Parton funds.  It has helped fill his bookshelf with tons of books.  This is what was going on during Zoe's and my "Heaven conversations".  Notice almost every one of them is open.

I don't think we have enough...do you?  :)